Enfamil NeuroPro™ sponsored this post so I could share my true journey from breastfeeding to formula feeding.

My intent was always to breastfeed. With “Breast Is Best” slogans at every turn and it being the main topic of conversation between new moms and mamas-to-be alike, it seemed a given. I had a lot of anxiety about it before Alessandra was even born. Would I be able to breastfeed? You hear stories all the time about moms who just never get their milk in. It’s something I wanted to do for my daughter, for her nutrition, and as a means to more closely bond and connect.

To my relief, she latched on like a pro, less than an hour after delivery! No real milk yet but drops of colostrum were there. Over the next few days I anxiously awaited my milk. Each passing day felt like a year, as I felt like I was starving my baby, but the lactation specialist at the hospital kept assuring me that all she needed was colostrum and she would be fine. Two-and-a-half days later and we went home with our sweet girl.

The first night home alone with Alessa was one of the scariest nights of my life. First of all, I was more exhausted than I’d ever been after 4 days of labor and not getting more than 2hrs of sleep at a time in almost a week. She woke up screaming from hunger and as much as I tried to feed, still no real milk. It was the longest night of my life. The next day, I was desperate to get my milk flowing and started pumping like crazy. I was able to pump about an ounce of milk at a time, but I could tell it was not satisfying her hunger.

The next day was Alessandra’s first pediatric appointment. It absolutely broke my heart when they weighed her and my already petite baby (she weighed 6lbs 8oz at birth) dropped down to 5 lbs. 13oz. My heart literally sank. I felt like the worst mother, like I had been starving my poor baby. Our pediatrician said it wasn’t my fault, that I had followed their instructions to try to strictly breastfeed, but she needed formula, to provide calories and nutrients, immediately to supplement my lack of milk. She gave us Enfamil. I put it in a bottle and right then and there in her office, Alessandra at just 4 days old went from breast milk to formula and had her first full meal. I was relieved that she took the bottle easily and drank up the formula happily. She seemed so much more at ease and satiated after that first bottle and I felt so relieved knowing we had a plan moving forward and means to feed our baby the crucial nutrients she so desperately needed. We felt Enfamil was our best option given that it is backed by literally decades of research and recommended by our pediatrician.

For the next two weeks I tried breastfeeding again. My milk finally started flowing in and I got up to pumping about 4oz at a time. Then I woke up at 4am one morning with a terrible pain in my lower abdomen. I called my mom to come and watch the baby and Gabriel and I rushed to the hospital. I thought something may have been wrong inside my uterus. Turns out it was appendicitis. I ended up having to be hospitalized and on antibiotics for a week and a half, unable to breast feed at all because it would be dangerous for Alessa to ingest the strong medication I was on, and once again, I was so incredibly relieved and grateful for Enfamil.

Once I was finally out of the hospital, I decided to give breastfeeding one last go. My milk supply had decreased to almost nothing. I kept her on my breast most of the day for the next two weeks and had all the lactation cookies and teas I could get my hands on, hoping it would stimulate my supply, but no luck. It was devastating for me to only pump out an ounce or so when my girlfriends who had had babies around the same time as I were pumping 8-10ounces by that point.

At 6 weeks old, after a long chat with my pediatrician and husband, we decided to fully commit to formula feeding and felt good about it. Not a day has gone by since that I haven’t been happy about our decision. My baby has grown to be so strong and healthy. I was also able to get back to working a bit because I could share feedings with my husband, best friend, or mother that would come to help, and she even started sleeping through the night. It was also comforting to know that her formula has the vitamins she needs, and she no longer had to take the vitamin drops she had to while breastfeeding. In making the decision to formula feed, I was not only concerned with how it would affect her physical development, but her cognitive development as well… Now I feel even better about our decision and the nutrition we’re giving her because Enfamil NeuroPro has brain-building benefits similar to breast milk*, which means Alessandra’s brain development is on par with her breastfed baby friends.

The reason I’m sharing this story is because I feel like there is a lot of mom-shaming that goes on around how to feed your baby. I felt like I couldn’t talk about our decision to formula feed our daughter because people would think I wasn’t the best mom I could possibly be. Feeding decisions are so personal and different for each baby. Breast is great but not necessarily best or possible for some families, and that’s ok. Formula has been a great option for us and for our daughter who we love more than everything and we’ve been so incredibly happy with our experience with Enfamil. And that little fear I had of us not being able to bond without breastfeeding seems silly now… Alessandra and I are equally obsessed with one another and couldn’t be closer.

 *As measured by Bayley cognitive scores